The Universe Can Hit Harder
“The Weight",” with permission by my beautiful artist friend Vicki Vinton
This essay has a lot of “words” in quotes - not my favorite decision in a writing style. Alas, it’s needed because I am speaking as two people with two sets of vocabulary; old me and new me. So bear with new me.
When I was going simultaneously going through my divorce and the intense unravelling of having met my spiritual twin, I needed to hit a lot. (I was not randomly, or not so randomly, hitting people! Well, playfully my two boys.) I hit the mitts, heavy bag, Mook Jong, and anything around me. Under the guise of learning martial arts and boxing, I NEEDED to hit. I also worked out a lot. Something about the heavy weights provided a concrete version of “an obstacle to move.” Needless to say I was very fit but I was ineffective in “fixing” my problem. Of course I had no perspective on this then.
The physical power I strived to cultivate and exude was an attempt to balance the emotional turmoil and “weakness” I felt in controlling my own life. It’s not a bad coping mechanism. Everything needs balance and, in my own way, I was stabilizing myself.
BUT. I do recognize that I was in a time when the Universe was hitting hard. Still wanting to exercise my ego, what I wanted, and what I deemed to be right for me, I was putting up quite a fight. When I would not release my grip, Spirit rapped my knuckles with a stiff ruler, then a hammer, then a maul, many times over many years. Bloody knuckled, and spiritually weak, I finally let go. And that surrender was the key.
Lately, I have seen people in my circle faced with such a conundrum. The way the world has shaped them, and all that they become because of it, and all the ways that that has served them well in their circumstances, is shifting. And the shift initially is not pleasant. Our reaction is often to do what we know but harder. To be MORE of what has always worked for us. For me, it was fighting harder for what I wanted, to prove my strength, worth, and greatness so that I would get it.
But what is really happening is that we are being asked to break. We are being shown a new way so that we can unshaped and unlearn our coping mechanisms, which are actually protective facets of ego. When we apply our usual tactics, trust me, the Universe can hit harder. If we do not listen, being shown becomes being forced. And that is a rougher road.
“Feather Weight,” with permission by Vicki Vinton
If there exists in you a shadow that you have hidden and avoided, Spirit will shine a light on it until you face it down. The spot light might come in the shape of a person/relationship and/or circumstances. Whichever it is, your discomfort grows. Your shadow is most likely a combination of your incredible innate nature mixed with the circumstances of your life (that your soul chose), so that you would learn this very thing. (Wacky right? Why not just shape us correctly from the start? Silly, Spirit.)
Unlearning is very difficult. I refer often to the gooey, dissolved pupa. When our usual, go-to tactics do not work, what are we left with? Who even are we? We feel aimless and amorphous.
We are hear to learn, unlearn (goo phase), and learn anew. We are souls having a 3D experience. We are worthy and powerful beings of light and love. When we know that, and when we listen rather than resist, when we ask, rather than determine, life becomes a place in which no hitting is necessary. This is not giving up. It is giving over. It is peace in the present moment. It is an alignment that helps our purpose shine through our agenda.
Recently, I went through another knuckle rapping. Although it was light and I felt it instantly, I still needed it. Why? Because I did some old shit instead of what I know to be good and true. I back slid. (As I write I am realizing, after 2-3 years of no need to hit, I even hit the mitts and began bringing my gloves to my work outs! So it was both actual and figurative.) This regression and correction happened so that I would finally get it. It happened so that I would write this post and reach someone who is resisting change and attempting to hide from the spotlight exposing a shadow.
I should point out - I do not lament the time period of my fighting spirit. It served an important purpose in its own right. We cannot do things differently if we are always doing our best. I had to go through that so that Spirit matched my energy and determination with her lesson, and then one upped me.
The Universe can hit harder. And it will. It’s not to be mean. It’s not to deny you what you want. It’s to show us that there is something even greater, in every sense, waiting for us to discover.
